lindahoyland (lindahoyland) wrote,

A Day at the Spa

My friend Raksha and I were discussing the modern trend of the "metrosexual" male,who is obsessed with beauty products.I remarked that Aragorn and Faramir would not have the same appeal to us if they thought of nothing but looking beautiful.
Her reply was the following scene, which I then added to. 
You can also read scene one on Raksha's LJ.

This is AU and not meant to be taken seriously

Day At The Spa

Scene one - by Raksha

(Aragorn and Faramir are luxuriating in the King's secret Elven mud baths around F.A.20) 

Aragorn: Ah, nothing like a good mud bath to clear away unsightly scars, help heal wounds, and restore one's spirits!

Faramir: ' Tis wonderful indeed.

Aragorn: And marvelously refreshing to the skin, softens and moistens better than all the potions of Harad.

Faramir: Speaking of softening the skin, I brought that cream of which I told you.

Aragorn: Is that the skin cream Ecthelion used? He had the visage of a man in his prime when I knew him!

Faramir: Possibly; for ‘tis an ancient remedy, borne all the way from Númenor! Isildur carried the sapling of Nimloth's line; but Anárion brought a treasure almost as great: the skin cream of the Elendili!  My poor father scorned its use; and, his face did not age well.

Aragorn: May I try it?

Faramir: As soon as I get out and can reach yon satchel. Marvelous stuff. Did you know, I had a wrinkle starting last year, and the Númenorean cream did away with it straightaway?

Aragorn: I never noticed!

Faramir: But you hardly bear any wrinkles yet.

Aragorn: Any? I thought I had none at all.

Faramir: Um. Er. Mayhap I was mistaken.

Aragorn: Still, I am a hundred and eleven years. Before me, Dúnedain men in the North usually began to wrinkle at about a hundred and twenty, that is, if the Shadow had not killed them by then. Now, our younger men do not have to be Rangers and roughen their skin by spending so many months out in the wilds. Yet this freedom has a troubling consequence - I have actually seen some Dúnedain lads in Annuminas looking plump!

Faramir: Oh, the horror!

Aragorn: So I shall order the building of a gymnasium; you know, such as they have in Dol Amroth and here in Minas Tirith; where men will go to wrestle and take steam baths. The dwarves have even come up with some ingenious devices that help each man exercise various muscles in the body.

Faramir: You should ask Elladan and Elrohir to patronize the establishment, to encourage others to do so.

Aragorn: Actually, my foster brethren came up with the idea. They are working with Gimli on plans for a heated pool, where we can swim inside during all weather.

Faramir: Swimming is wondrous exercise, and puts a becoming glow on the skin without making one sweat.

Aragorn: Exactly! Now, tell me more of the shampoo with which the Khandian ambassador gifted you. I have seen that your hair has had more shine of late.... 

Scene two – In the Gymnasium – Aragorn and Faramir’s private changing room. - by Linda

Aragorn – Does my behind look too big in these shorts?

Faramir – Not at all. The colour suits you. Black is so slimming. Oh, nooooo.

Aragorn – What ails you dear friend?

Faramir- I have a spot on my nose! It is enormous, bigger than that spider we once encountered! It quite ruins my looks!

Aragorn – Now, don’t cry, dear friend. I have a wonderful Elven remedy designed to remove spots. It is in my bag somewhere. Now where did I but it? Are here it is, just underneath the hair removing cream.

Faramir – You still use cream? I much prefer waxing. You should try the Khandian Beauty Parlour. They have done wonders with my legs.

Aragorn – That sounds far too painful.

Faramir – I like your new perfume.

Aragorn – Arwen gave it to me. It is called “Passionate Delights.” She has not been in a good mood recently. She says I think more of my appearance than I do of her!

Faramir. _ How strange, Éowyn has been saying the same thing! She is being most unfair. She has used half of my favourite shampoo and if I don’t hide the shower gel, she will have that as well!

Aragorn – And Arwen used all my favourite shampoo too. Now I have split ends!

Faramir – Oh no, I’ve found a grey hair!

Both men burst into tears.

The End 
Tags: ficlets, fun
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